Nation in Shock as Study Reveals Gen-Z Can’t Read Analogue Clocks — and Think Fax Machines Are ‘Steam-Era Tech’

A new study by the Office for Modern Confusion has revealed that nearly 70% of Gen-Z respondents cannot read an analogue clock, with many describing them as “confusing circles with anxiety sticks.” The survey, conducted across UK secondary schools and universities, also uncovered that one in five participants believed “dial-up” was a medieval form of communication involving candles.

Researchers say the findings highlight “an unprecedented generational disconnect between timekeeping and TikTok.” Dr. Susan Merriweather, lead sociologist on the project, said: “It’s not that they’re less intelligent — it’s just that they measure time in completely different units, like ‘one short video’ or ‘three doomscrolls.’”

One 19-year-old interviewee confessed, “I just use my phone clock. If I see one of those round ones, I panic. Like, what if it’s in Roman numerals? Why would you do that to yourself?”

The generational divide doesn’t end there. The study found similar struggles with landline phones (“Is that Alexa with a cable?”), encyclopaedias (“You mean Google in book form?”), and cheques (“Is that how people paid before emojis?”).

In one particularly harrowing experiment, a group of sixth formers was shown a VHS tape and asked to “make it play.” After several minutes of turning it over and blowing on it, one participant reportedly whispered, “Is it… broken?” before trying to scan it with their iPhone.

Teachers across the UK are now calling for “analogue literacy” to be introduced as part of the national curriculum, alongside life skills such as “how to survive when the Wi-Fi drops” and “how to use a tin opener that isn’t electric.”

Critics argue the study is overblown, pointing out that every generation struggles with outdated technology. “It’s no different to Boomers trying to use a QR code or Millennials trying to buy a house,” said tech columnist Gareth Pike. “It’s evolution, just with more LED lights.”

Meanwhile, a counter-movement has already begun online. The hashtag #BringBackTime is trending, with nostalgic Gen-Z creators posting videos of themselves trying — and failing — to tell the time on wristwatches. One viral clip simply reads: “Quarter past what?”

As Dr. Merriweather concluded: “Perhaps it’s not their fault. They were born into a world that tells them the time, spells for them, and finishes their thoughts. Analogue clocks just have the audacity to expect them to think.”